Is it Wrong to Want More in a Relationship?

Am I wrong? What I have is enough, but I know I can have more. Better even. Am I wrong for being tempted to find it? Or is it selfish of me to want more. It still isn’t perfection. But it’s better than now. Maybe she can work to be what I want but I’m scared that telling her what I do want will make her feel inadequate and unloved for who she is. I love her and I fell in love with the person she is. I just don’t know if this is who I’m meant to be with.

@morningstar17 If you don’t know; you do know. Your uncertainty is the answer.

@morningstar17 If you truly fell in love with who she is, then why are you so focused on changing her or feeling dissatisfied with where she’s at? I’ve personally noticed I have a tendency to fall in love with potential. I see the person behind what they show the world — who they could become — and I fall for that version. And while it’s part of who they truly are inside, it doesn’t always match the version they share with or show you. If the love is mutual, then sharing your wants and needs shouldn’t be a threat. Not communicating them doesn’t magically resolve anything. If you care about each other and want to grow together, you should be able to be honest. If they care, they’ll stay and work with you. If those wants and needs are important to you and they can’t meet them, then that tells you something too.

@cavalryghost I tried having a conversation with her about my needs and the second I started to talk about them she shut down and sat in the shower for over an hour. Does that tell me all I need to know? Or is that her way of processing my words? Because right now I feel like it broke her Additionally, I have noticed I’ve been drawn to the same pattern as you. Initially i felt like I loved who she was and I didn’t have an ideal version of her. But as time has gone on, I feel like I have been going down that path again.

@morningstar17 No offense, but you might be talking to the wrong person about this. The only one who can truly answer most of the questions you’re asking me is the one you’re asking about. In my experience, most people aren’t really used to blunt, honest self‑reflection — especially when it comes from someone they care about. When two people matter to each other, those kinds of truths are never an easy pill to swallow. So whether you intended it or not, honesty often takes time to process. We’re all harder on ourselves than anyone else could ever be. But when someone else prompts that self‑reflection, it can feel even heavier. So yeah, she probably does need time to think. But at the end of the day, the only way you’ll ever really know is by talking to her. Also, there’s a difference between seeing the best in someone and trying to change them. Your idea of her potential might not be the same as hers. Just because you can see it doesn’t mean she does — or that she agrees with it. Your perspective isn’t the same as her self‑perspective. Respecting someone means respecting their free will and autonomy to exist exactly how they choose to exist — just like you get to choose how you exist.

@cavalryghost Wow. Thank you for your perspective and your time! I mean it 🫶🏽

What do you want more of from this person?