Finding Self-Worth and Balance on a New Path

Journal for February 28th Song of the Day: « L.G. Fuad » by Motion City Soundtrack Just a reminder that I had pretty much no reference points for when I started my transition on how much weight my emotions would take on me from transitioning. I am living this life for the very first time, and sometimes I have no way of knowing the outcome of a decision. That’s okay. I will make the best decision with the most information possible, but I will accept the outcome. Today I am feeling very sore, so I think I might skip the walk or only go for a two-mile walk this afternoon so I can rest and hopefully feel better. So I finished a book that I was reading called Fuzz by Mary Roach. The book is about human and animal interaction that leads to death and what is done to prevent it from happening. It was read by the author, and I really enjoyed it because it did tap into the dark humor that develops when you work in emergency situations. I started reading it because it was my introduction to animal rights, and on that count, I was not disappointed. The author was very fair to the animals and was very respectful and willing to accept when humans were to blame for their own suffering. I am now reading a book about Lilith, and I’m really enjoying it because to me, she reminds us to never forget your worth. This is something that I struggle with, so I need the reminder. This also helps me by growing my spiritual knowledge and connection. I have always felt more connected with nature and witchcraft than any other religion. Mostly because history shows how religion has been corrupted by people in power to control the masses. The thing that I believe is that my practice and prayers are between me and Lilith and no one else. I don’t need any justification or reassurance from others. It’s funny in that way, if no other, I trust myself to know my own heart and path. But I think that is to be expected when I grew up being raised as an agnostic but went to a variety of Christian churches because that’s what my friends did. At some point, I even thought I believed in them, but I never could get past the idea of treating people differently because they didn’t agree with you. Just because we disagree doesn’t mean that your viewpoint doesn’t have value. During my good days, I have set a goal to try to establish a community of like-minded individuals, mostly queer individuals, who support each other in times of need. Maybe not with cash but with time or a place to vent. I have made efforts towards this by being a positive influence on mental health pages on Facebook, helping coworkers with their needs at work when I can, and helping my parents with their needs. One thing that I struggle with is prioritizing myself in this maelstrom of needs, and I recognize that getting the balance wrong leads to burnout and then depression and suicidal thoughts. But I have been making progress in listening to my body and mind about what effort I can spare for others. I am also working on learning to use sleep hygiene to help improve my mood, which has been helpful. I still rely on the tv to fall asleep, but I set it to turn itself off so I can fall asleep and stay asleep longer.

The user reflects on their transition journey, acknowledging the emotional weight and uncertainty while committing to making informed decisions and accepting outcomes. They discuss their reading of 'Fuzz' and a book on Lilith, connecting it to self-worth and spiritual practice outside organized religion. The post also details efforts to build a supportive queer community and the ongoing struggle to prioritize self-care to avoid burnout, acknowledging progress in listening to their body and employing sleep hygiene.