Witchcraft, Codependency, and Managing Cannabis Use

Journal for August 5th Current Show: Batman the animated series Song of the day: “I’m That Witch” by Esme Rose I am a witch and I’m very proud of being a witch, though I hardly talk about my beliefs with anyone besides my parents or Stephen. To me, my practice is sacred and private. I don’t need any approval from anyone outside of me because there’s no one else on this ride. I will study and learn on my own, and if I can help others in their practice, then great, but I’m not going to be advertising the fact that I am a witch. Just because I have my Goddess’ sigil on my left hand, it means nothing to most people. I want to continue to ink spells and sigils on my skin as I learn more. For me, my ink has a lot more to do with who I am than what I want people to think about me. I plan to go for a walk later on today, and I have to redo my resume and continue to apply for jobs. Just because I have had applications and interviews doesn’t mean that I can relax. I’m also working on cleaning up my room. I’ve done some light laundry, and I’ve been gathering trash. I’m also gathering some of my marijuana because eventually, I will have to take a break from my use of it. I know my reasons for using cannabis are not the best, but my current situation, it is a crutch that helps me see the brighter side of life or to not take things too seriously. Once I move closer with Stephen or to Canada, I will not feel such a magnifying glass on me or why I am using the bathroom I choose. I’m beyond frustrated with my mother. She doesn’t even really deserve that title in my opinion, but she did give birth to me. She refuses to do anything for herself if she can help it. She refuses to get out of her chair, and my dad and I are getting frustrated with her because of it. In her defense, she does have shingles again, and she has it on her eye, which she has my sympathy for, but she still has to do the bare minimum. Like she’s still an adult woman who has responsibilities. I know I should help her more, but I don’t want to baby her. She is an adult woman who hasn’t actually acted like an adult most of my life. She wants my help for literally anything that requires her to get up from her chair in the living room. My dad is getting frustrated with her because she never gets up and spends all her time in her chair. This is a long standing argument between them where my dad is frustrated with my mom because he doesn’t feel like she does anything around the house. When I was younger I used to get involved with these fights and sometimes. I’ve moved to distance myself from the codependency of their relationship and trying to live my life as I want to live it. So one of the big things that worries me is I really don’t want a relationship like my parents. They say they love each other but they well bicker like an old married couple, to use a cliche. My mom hasn’t worked at all since I was in junior high she just gave up working at all and stays at home and doesn’t do a lot while she’s there. I am terrified of being a burden for Stephen to have to deal with, I want a partner to share the adventure of life. I want to learn to better meet Stephen’s needs and goals and I want to make him happy.

The user reflects on their private practice of witchcraft, their desire for independence from a strained parental relationship, and their apprehension about repeating their parents' codynamic patterns in their own relationship with Stephen. They are currently managing daily tasks while attempting to reduce cannabis use and searching for employment, using cannabis as a tool to navigate a difficult home environment.