Overcoming Relationship Anxiety & Insecurities

Ok so right now, as we speak, I am having just constant anxiety. To flush out the story with my husband a bit, he is originally from South Jersey, just outside Ft. Dicks. So when it comes to my husband, I have ALWAYS felt like he is WAY out of my league. Like I feel like we’re one of those couples that ppl look at and ask, why that really good looking guy is with that disgusting girl….my husband Scott has red hair and crystal blue eyes. He’s extremely out going and very charismatic. In Jersey with his friends and family, he has the reputation of being kind of a ladies man and the ladies always came to him. He never had to go looking. What’s makes things even more interesting is that his ex girl friend right before me has the same name as me and she’s a twin. I’ve never seen her except in a picture and I’ve never met her but from what I can see and was told about her, our name is the only thing we have in common. She is tiny and petite and goes to the gym and is….tiny… Then there is me…I’m def short 5’2.5 but I’m not tiny. I’m def nothint to write home about (just bring honest). I have brown eyes brown hair and my entire life I’ve been at various stages of “chubby” except for a 4 or 5 year stint where I was starving myself to be skinny. For a very long long time being skinny somehow consumed my every thought. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve earned to care less about what other ppl think of me physically and I’ve made peace with the fact that I’m never going to be a size 2. I’ve come to accept the fact that I’m always going to have some junk in the trunk and actually, lol that’s where my husband comes in…he’s def an ass man! lol. Our story is def not a typical story as far as how ppl meet and fall in love. When we were on the phone before the first time we ever met, I told him that when I got to him house and he answered the door, that the first thing I was going to do was kiss him bc if I didn’t, that nervous uncomfortableness would just be hanging around and I really hate that! lol so the day came, I went to his house, he opened the door, I said hey, and walked right up and kissed him and we have literally been together almost every day since! We were engaged within the first 3 months. Halloween this year will be 10 years we’re celebrating. Anyway, as I was saying, righr from the start, I always felt like he was to goof for me and that has played itself out in my self esteem over the last 10 years. Now, I need to say that he’s aware of my self esteem issues and how they relate to him and he’s always tried to be conscious of how I feel as far as not flirting with other girl and stuff like that. Honestly, he doesn’t even show interest in other women and I believe that’s true and that a positive for my self esteem however, I feel like he also doesn’t show interest in me and that’s where all the sexual insecurity comes in as well…when he looks at me, after 10 years, I still look away first bc he makes me blush when he looks back into my eyes…lol I seriously want him every min of every day and although he does show some emotion and he does engage in some physical content…holding hands, lots of hugs, always kisses me good bye and tells me that he loves me…but often times I feel like our intensity levels just don’t match…I feel like he doesn’t want me the same way I want him and I think that’s the crack that allows for the anxiety I feel when we go to Jersey to see his family and friends. I love him so much I often get annoyed that we didn’t meet until later in life. I was 33 and he was 38 when we met. Sometimes it actually breaks my heart. I’m also one of those weird people that get jealous of his life before we met!!! Like I hear it!!! It sounds crazy and it makes me feel crazy and I don’t want to feel that way but lol it’s so hard listing to him and his friends when we go to Jersey bc they’re all talking about this time and that time and it makes me feel left out and alienated. And omg, him talking about other girls?! Forget it…it’s enough to cause me to break down….AS IF I DIDNT HAVE A KID WITH SOMEONE ELSE BEFORE I MET HIM!!!! lol like it’s so ridiculous I hate that that bothers me and the fact that it bothers me I feel is then with me everywhere we go when we go to Jersey and I feel even more awkward with even more anxiety…and on and on with go!

The user is experiencing intense anxiety stemming from deep-seated insecurities about her relationship with her charismatic husband, whom she perceives as 'out of her league.' Despite his faithfulness and affection, she struggles with jealousy and feelings of inadequacy, particularly when visiting his hometown and hearing stories of his past relationships, which trigger her own past insecurities and a sense of being 'left out.' She acknowledges the irrationality of her feelings but finds them difficult to overcome.

@scottieshottie0729 Who is whispering to you from your childhood? It sounds like someone is telling you you aren't good enough inside of you. Likely from childhood. Tell them to shut up. He clearly loves you. Why question his love or loyalty? It puts a strain on relationships to make others responsible for our insecurities. How can you improve your insecurities?

Ugh, I know, it’s the worst!! And the fact that I’m completely aware of it driving me even more crazy!!! I know it’s ridiculous!!! We both lived lives before we met each other, I so so SO badly want to get beyond this. I guess the one good thing? (If that could be a “good thing” from this is that he knows about all of it, so he knows that if at any point I need to “step away” or if he knows the particular topic could potentially be an issue, he’ll come over and squeeze my hand or give me a hug or just something to let me know it’s ok…he’s totally grate about that part…(really anything out side of physical intimacy, he’s reasonably attentive to, but way way more so when we go to Jersey bc he knows I deal with it all but he also knows that it’s nothing about him or his fam or his friends. Like he knows that it’s my own insecurities and self esteem that I’m wrestling with, so that does make it a bit “easier” bc he knows it’s not just me like being a bitch or something lol… But to answer your question, I don’t know who whispering to me but I would LUV to find out and be able to move on…I would luv more than anything not to have to deal with these awful feelings…just having them makes me feel worse!

Respectfully, being a thick juicy woman will always be better than depriving yourself of nourishment for the sake of being a small woman. big girls are sexy and not to mention the things our bodies are capable of making people feel, sexually. not to be weird. it’s a fact. he chooses you. them cookie cutter women really ain’t got nothing on you.

@tiffany lol that’s too funny that you put it that way bc all the other girls he’s dated have been like cookie cutter types as you put it lol but after we had been together for a while and got to a point in our love making where there were no inhibitions and just very authentic, lol he actually said the sex was a lot better….lol…so yeah, apparently you’re not wrong! And like I said, I’ve gotten to a place where being “thin” is no longer an obsession of mine. I’ve come to accept the fact that I’m never going to look like that….not in this particular life anyway…