Healing Inadequacy and Abandonment Wounds

Rough morning. I am feeling jealous and inadequate at the moment. The weed is helping put things in perspective, but the pain is still sharp. I came across an old video of my partner kissing his ex, which hurt, but the feeling of invalidation that came afterward hurt even more. When I mentioned the video to my partner, I told him “she’s more beautiful than me”. For whatever reason, he doesn’t compliment me on my physical appearance often and the silence is deafening when you have self-image issues. My father used to tell me I am ugly and fat. He also taught me that as a woman, all that matters is your appearance. My partner didn’t respond by telling me I’m beautiful like I had hoped, and instead he said some philosophical shit: “comparison is the thief of joy”. At the time, I reacted as if by reflex, snapped “you’re a dick”, but immediately apologized. Looking back now, I was in the wrong. He was showing integrity by not comparing me to his ex. But I didn’t really need a comparison. I just wanted to hear that I’m beautiful too. So instead of expressing myself, I left the room. Cried hard. Thought about it. I guess I understand now why they call it a “trigger”. It’s like a gun firing, and it is extremely hard to pause and choose to react differently than your nervous system has been programmed to. I have a deep abandonment wound. I’m looking to others to heal it. In the past, I might have went online and compulsively sought male attention. But I’m not going to do that. Instead, I’m going to go back in the room and talk to my partner. And just tell him what I need. Right now.

The user shares a painful experience of feeling inadequate after seeing a video of their partner's ex, exacerbated by past trauma and a lack of compliments. They reflect on their partner's 'comparison is the thief of joy' response as intellectually sound but emotionally insufficient. The user recognizes their own trigger and abandonment wound, choosing to communicate their needs directly to their partner instead of seeking external validation, demonstrating a commitment to personal growth and healthier relationships.

@wavypurple 🫂 I know its not the same, but getting back on fb I got to "see" you & I think you are beautiful.🥹❤️‍🔥 I have always had a preference of secondary attraction towards character (vs primary attraction of physical looks) but I probably wouldn't have moved as gracefully as you did with this situation 🌚🖤

@rebelkatt thank you so much 🥹 You are really beautiful too, inside and out, and I mean that 💜 I don’t like being insecure about my appearance, because it really doesn’t matter too much to me either. My partner is glowing with an irresistible beauty that moves me, not because of his objective appearance, but because of my soul connection with him. I hope one day I can feel that way toward myself. Or at least just accept myself in the mirror for who I am. I’ve been taught by some dark experiences that my body is garbage, an ugly disgusting thing to be trashed and discarded. Ugh. Sigh. But I’m growing in the right direction. I have moments now where I think “I’m alright”. Those old ghost voices are getting softer. Mine is growing and starting to debug the software. Unlearning conditioned responses is challenging to say the least, and in the moment it is so hard to stop yourself from reacting to the trigger being pulled, but this is a turning point for me. I have proven that I can do hard things. I can learn to love and validate myself. Today I’m going to look in the mirror (something I struggle with), look in my eyes and tell myself I’m beautiful, even if I don’t believe it. My nervous system is going to take time to heal and “reprogram” but the process is underway. Thanks again rebelkatt. You’re amazing and your light shines so bright. I’m glad we got to connect and I love reading your words and soaking in your deep spiritual wisdom ☮️🕊️

@wavypurple awwww you are beyond welcome ❤️‍🔥 you are wise too🥹 your praise is recognition of your own inner light 🪞🖤 I am proud of & inspired by your process✨️