Authentic Self: Embracing Atheism Over Social Pressure

I was never really raised to believe in a higher deity or a god when I was growing up so I didn’t and I never even really thought about the possibility of there being one until I was around 8. I so desperately wanted to believe in god because everyone else around me did. I used to tell everyone I believed, when in reality I had so many doubts. When I was 12, I would pray to god to show me and prove to me that he was real and he never did. I never mentioned to anyone the doubts I had about god and I just told people I was Christian until recently. I finally came to conclusions that I have to stop trying to believe in something just because other people do. I do not believe god, or any god in general is real. I don’t really know what religion I am, I just know that if people’s belief makes them happy, then they are doing the right thing.

I can relate. I've spent a lot of time recently searching for truth/meaning/higher power-something I can genuinely believe in. After the death of my best friend, who believed in God (Christian), I have been struggling with my mortality and need for a meaningful belief that there are answers to anything in this life. I wont get into specifics, and I dont have a problem with anyone else's beliefs, I just haven't found anything that resonates with me and I'm very much a "believe it when I see it" person. I wish I had faith and trust in something, but it just isnt something I've been able to do. I hope you arent having too much stress where this is concerned. Its a difficult thing to come to grips with. My health is not great and having my friend pass has just pushed my existential crisis into overdrive. When something is right for you, I believe you will have no doubts that it's right. Things will align with your values and ethics. Beyond anything, it should come from a place of love, light, and truth that is undeniable to you. At least that's my opinion, and I could totally be wrong. I just hope that is the case. Im sorry, I wish I had any answers for myself, I truly hope you find answers for YOU. Best of luck, friend. ♡

honestly the hardest part is that moment when you realize you've been performing belief instead of actually believing. takes a lot of integrity to stop doing that, especially when everyone around you is still in it. the fact that you got there at 12 and didn't force yourself to fake it for another decade says something about you.

@lillifer thank you so much for this message it was so sweet! I’m so sorry for your loss and I completely get why you feel like that, it’s really hard having to go through someone you love passing away, and the fact that you are still trying to help others is so awesome of you. It’s ok if you can’t figure something out for now, I can tell you have a good heart and morals, so if you find a higher power to believe in, or if you don’t, I’m sure you will be in a very good place in life and you will succeed and find happiness. Keep searching because I’m sure you will find something that’s perfect for you! Thank you again for your message. ❤️

@findingmeself much love, friend! We're all in this boat together and it's rarely easy. Being there for each other is important. I don't believe we're supposed to do this on our own. You are a good person, too, and if you need to talk, please feel free to message me. Im an old lady trying to figure out life, but im also pretty open minded and love to hear others perspectives. There needs to be more light and love in this world. We may as well hold the candles.