Love vs. Long Distance: Navigating Relationship Fears

I've been driving for a while now, and I just left my summer camp, the place I've been for the last 10 weeks. I came from there with a three-month-old relationship. I cheated on, we broke up, I moved on, and I found somebody else there. And I fell in love again. Now I'm leaving. And we aren't dating or officially in a relationship. We've been on a date or two. But it's such an interesting spot. I don't know where to put it anymore, this love. Because part of me says, go for it. You can do it. It'll be fine. The other part says, remember the last time we did long distance? Because now it's not, oh, I can't see you every day, I can't see you on the weekend. It's, oh, we have to plan this out. You have to drive three hours, or I have to drive three hours. And three hours isn't very long. But it's not like I can't pop into your apartment and say hi. Or I can't spend the night there and then go to class in the morning. There's just this physical closeness we no longer have. There's no cuddles and all this stuff. It all has to be on a weekend. When I'm not working or when she's not working. It's that differing lifestyle. I don't want to get into a relationship now and say, after we've spent all this time together, where we can be physically close. That's great. That's wonderful. I can do that. I can be in a relationship with somebody who's right there. But time and time again I've learned that I can't do a relationship when you're not right there. And she wants this, I want this, but I'm not sure. And then another part of me says,I can't be there. Or remember last time this happened. It didn't work out. I didn't even feel like you were in a relationship. And do I even start something I know I can't finish? Or I know isn't good for me? Another part of me says, well, there hasn't been any time to heal or to move on to be your own person out of this past relationship. And you've already kind of thrown yourself into a new one. And it's just there. And she wants to make it work long distance. And I'm not sure if I want to make it work long distance. I want it. Like, I love them. But is it love because we've been together? Because I looked for something that I didn't no longer have? Or is it love because we're the right people and we fell in love? And I've been doing better about it where I'm no longer kind of revisiting my old relationship when I think of her. But there's still parts, there's still pieces that fall through the cracks. And it gets better and better all the time. I'm not sure. I don't know if I'm sabotaging something because I don't think I can have it. Or if I'm just scared to enter something new because of what hurt me last time. It's so frustrating. I wish there was a clear answer. Because every time I confront her about it, I'm like, hey, I don't know if I can do long distance. She says, if it's really important, we'll make it work. This is true. You can make it work. But will it make me happy? The more I toss and turn over it, the less sure I am of what I want. And I don't know, like, I'm on a deadline. I have to give an answer. Or the no answer will be the answer. If I can't commit to a relationship and give her some type of answer, why? Well, the answer I give is that I can't do it or I don't want to be in it. And it might not be the case. I think the best I can give her is some time to deliberate and say, hey, let's see if we can make this work. Let's see if we can continue this dating stage over this time where we're apart and see if it works. We already love each other, but love isn't what makes a relationship. Now I've told her that a physical closeness or being together physically, intimately and all that stuff is important to me. And the answer I got was a little bit, sometimes we don't need what we think we need. I don't know, more of a rant than any coherent thought, but it's something I kind of care about. And I'll do some more deliberating over the days.

The user is grappling with the decision of whether to pursue a nascent long-distance relationship after a summer camp experience, weighing their deep affection against past traumas and the specific necessity of physical closeness. They are struggling to differentiate between genuine love and a potential rebound, while also questioning if they are sabotaging their own happiness due to fear of repeating past failures.

honestly the fact that you keep coming back to the physical closeness thing tells me that's not a fear talking, that's just you knowing yourself. you're not being unreasonable about needing that. some people can do long distance, some genuinely can't, and it sounds like you've got actual data on which one you are. the rebound question is harder to untangle but here's the thing, you don't have to have it figured out right now. you can tell her exactly what you said here, that you want to keep exploring this but you're not ready to call it a committed relationship yet. that's honest and it gives you both space to actually see what happens instead of forcing certainty you don't have.